It has been a minute. I didn’t want to do a new blog post until my situation changed. Stuck at the Quality Inn in Deming, NM while I awaited the van repair, I had to create a schedule for myself or go crazy with boredom. There was a movie theater, so I saw ALL the movies. I often walked the three miles to La Patrona, a great Mexican restaurant recommended to me by Beth, a friend I met at the Xscapers Bash. But other than that, there was absolutely nothing to do. So my schedule was as follows:
Coffee and journal
Breakfast and 30 minute meditation
Guitar fretboard mastery practice
Exercise with weights
Lunch and nap
Composing a new piano trio
Songwriting and/or more guitar
Dinner at the Lazy Lizard Lounge
TV till sleep. (Rambo 1 and 2, and a two-part documentary on Mel Brooks were highlights)
At dinner I often talked with Cliff, a self-proclaimed “crooked” man, who despite his physical handicaps had been the head painter at a nuclear power plant and had customized a 1962 Studebaker he used to drive at 200mph. At 80 years old he had left his house in Florida and was awaiting an apt in Deming. I had some other interesting conversations with hotel guests and with self-proclaimed “Big Time Trumpers”. Dinner was my one chance to socialize and I viewed it as sustenance equal to the meal.
I ultimately composed two songs and have the lyrics for three more, composed 90 seconds of chamber music (while learning the notation software at the same time), and made progress on the guitar. I progressed from 10 to 20lb weights, went from 13 to 20 pushups and built momentum for a daily meditation practice. Oh, and for the first time in my life I started brushing my teeth more than once a day. Still working on flossing. Sorry, TMI.
The repair shop kept discovering new parts they needed to order, each with a 2-3 day delivery time. I hedged my bets till the end, but I finally had to cancel my flight from Denver to NY and book a new one out of El Paso, TX. There was only one shuttle service that offered the trip from Deming, and the owner was my driver. We talked the whole two hours about our “administration”, immigration, the new ICE facilities going in and more. He was thankfully not a Big Time Trumper. It is strange to be in parts of the country that are in the news. When I was in Tucson I was keeping an eye out for Nancy Guthrie, and watching for dangerous mylar balloons at the El Paso airport…
I checked in at the Best Western in El Paso and walked to a steakhouse for dinner. No one was at the bar so I took a table. As I sat there I had a quiet epiphany; I was comfortable by myself at a restaurant for dinner. I’ve spent a lot of time alone on this journey, but I never felt so alone as at dinner at a table at a restaurant. Couples, groups, laughing and talking, and there I am, not. My Quality Inn Purgatory had made a little double reset. I realized I like myself better when I am creating, regardless of any future goal. And as I near the two year mark of Sharon’s death, I am becoming more just myself and less Blake Without Sharon. My life with her inexorably recedes. That’s the curse of longevity; the longer we live, the more loved ones we lose. But of course it’s not a curse, it’s the gift of living.
March contains Sharon’s birthday and her dying day. It’s a good month to be with friends. I’m staying in Tarrytown at Mark and Ellen’s place above their world-class jazz club, the Jazz Forum. They are vacationing for the month, so it’s perfect, and I get to play with their adorable cats! I did a scheduling blitz in El Paso, and I booked almost every single day I’m here. I rented a car for the month, so I’m all set.
Being “home” is still part of the Road to Joy, but I may or may not feel the need to blog about it. It’s all about good times with friends. Next month, New Zealand!